


Memories of a Mutant

by GayNoctis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Conflicted Karkat, Dreams and Nightmares, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Slow Romance, Trolls on Earth, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 07:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11846892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayNoctis/pseuds/GayNoctis
Summary: It doesn't feel right. It'll never feel right, maybe the clowns are just telling him he's alright. Maybe. Or maybe he's lost what he used to be.AU: where Karkat loses his memories, doesn't remember Gamzee stabbing him so he dreams about a sad clown instead.





	Memories of a Mutant

Okay, maybe he was exaggerating it a bit, but Karkat swore he saw a clown, weird right? Yeah, totally fucking weird.

It's not the first time he sees things, dreams about a lanky troll who'd often cry, he couldn't do a thing because the things he saw, usually weren't real. Or that's what he tells himself. The dreams felt real sometimes that he can't help but wake up in tears, a sense of hopelessness.

It wasn't right, none of it was. But he ignored it anyways, like Dave kept telling him: it wasn't real. So, why does it hurt him to ignore what he felt?

"You okay, kk?" Sollux asked, gently touching Karkat's shoulder. 

Karkat laughed, "Yeah, I am, thanks for asking." Haha, fuckin' nice going you pile of dicknuts.

"Like are you really sure?" Sollux raised his eyesbrows, he was skeptical about Karkat, he knew his best friend pretty well so he knew something was off. 

Karkat sighed, leaned back onto Sollux's neck. "I don't know anymore, Sol, I keep having these dreams and...they really fuck me like genuinely I feel my bulge getting ripped off because of a clown fucker."

"Do you see my problem here?" He glanced up at Sollux, he knew Sollux would at least give him better advice than Dave. 

Sollux pursed his lips, "What does the clown do exactly in the dreams?"

"He stabs me, he cries, starts murmuring about mirthful messiahs and sometimes he hugs me." 

It felt odd to even say it to Sollux, it didn't sit in his stomach right, it felt sickening.

Sollux this time pulled Karkat into him, softly touches the occasional mess that Karkat calls his hair. 

"That really does sound fucked up, does it affect you when you wake up too?"

"Yeah," he doesn't say it loudly, Sollux didn't mind because he understood.

He understood what it feels like to wake up confused, when he slowly lost his sight. It wasn't not to long ago either. 

Karkat would hate to admit it, especially to Sollux, the supposed hacking asshole, but he loved being held by him and loved the attention Sollux gave him. Cliche as it is, he loves his best friend, but also he felt something weird about it.

His feelings felt platonic but occasionally there were these thoughts where he'd want to touch Sollux in many ways, it often resulted in him being flustered around Sollux.

God, he wished he would shut his mind up.

"You know, kk, I'm sure you can fight it, I mean? You've been a leader before, remember?" Sollux smiles a bit before he notices Karkat's confusion.

Karkat chuckled a bit before replying, "What do you mean by 'leader'? Doofus, what year do you live in?"

Sollux scrunched his eyebrows, something about the way Karkat laughed at his remark wasn't good, no, the way he denied it made it worse. 

"Do you not remember? Vriska being a total bitch, you two argued on the ship, when we all were fucking up?"

Sollux didn't want to believe it, he couldn't really. But he knew. 

Oh, he really knew.

"I-I don't know what you mean, Sol, also I don't think I would argue with Vriska we're actually good friends today." Karkat nipped at Sollux's neck playfully, almost innocently if it weren't for the things that came out of his mouth.

God, him? Vriska? Good friends?? Wild but he was right, they were good friends for sure. Not after the amount of fighting, punches, help from Kanaya though.

Not after the countless times Gamzee and him would help him, try to calm him down but in the end only Gamzee could really get him to see clearly. 

Hell, no one even remembers Gamzee either, so why doesn't Karkat remember who he was?

"Did I do something wrong, Sol?" Karkat looked up at his friend, he notices the confusion on his face.

Sollux shakes his head, "You're fine, kk. I'm just thinkin' about something."

Still Karkat couldn't help but feel bad for being so...lost, not knowing what Sollux mentioned. If he could he would remember but there was nothing in his memory of that. And, maybe it could be the reason he dreams of clowns.

Sollux continues to caress Karkat's hair, occasionally touching the nape of his neck. He was going to have to talk to the group about this, he knew that the clown that haunts Karkat was a part of this.

"Kk," Sollux paused, he had to hold him tighter, so he did, "do you remember Gamzee?"

Ha? Gamzee? That name made him laugh, what is this Bozo the clown? 

"Uhh..." he licked his tongue quickly, grasping Sollux's thigh. "I...is he like a friend? Cause I remember Vriska mentioned someone like that, Cal too."

Shit. The poor fuck doesn't even know what Gamzee did, nor knows who he is.

"No, I'm talking about your ex-moirail, before me, you know lanky troll who'd say motherfucker every so often that guy."

He felt like he should know who Gamzee was...but there was nothing. There was just memories of now, nothing too far back, maybe Sollux's a bit crazy.

"I really don't know that guy, Sol, is he here in the city though?" 

"I don't even know, he left so quickly, randomly, he was so erratic." Sollux knew that Gamzee was with Cal, but it's not like Karkat would even know who the hell Cal was.

It's too bad, really, because there will be a chance that the two meet, one might break the other without even knowing it.

Karkat smiled, "Sounds fake, dude."

"Haha, I know." Sollux laughed at that, looking at how much softer Karkat really is makes him wonder. Did he really deserve to not remember? No.

Because Sollux knew that Gamzee would look harder, eventually find Karkat, he'd end up messier than when they fought back then. 

He'd end up hurting than he'd ever before. That's what Sollux thought though, Gamzee was unpredictable so who knows.

"It's fuckin' hot," Karkat exclaimed.

Psh, he's so naive and sweet, it hurts Sollux to even watch.

"Yeah, yeah, get used to it you scrub." Sollux grinned back at him, even though the reality of his friend was tragic, he still felt happy for him for being alive this time.

"Tch' I wonder if Equius is dying," they both burst into laughter, at least this was okay, for now.

"These chairs suck too, Sol, my back is gonna tear if I lean on you for this long."

"Fine, let's go inside then? Make some coffee and watch stupid rom coms?"

"Idiot, no coffee, you use popcorn, let's go!"

It was a bit too sweet for Sollux's taste, he even knew that but what else could he do? Let him have nightmares? No, fuck that. 

"Okay, boss." Sollux lifted Karkat up, they both headed towards the glass door.

"Sure wish I was tall when I walk through these doors." Karkat mumbled, making his way past Sollux.

"In your dreams maybe." Sollux closed the door, slipping off his shoes on the carpet.

Karkat quickly turned around, "Fuck you, I'll grow tall eventually."

Sollux raises his hands, "Okay, but if it's like one inch you owe me pizza."

"Ah, fuck you again, foureyes."

**Author's Note:**

> It's 7am and I hate Karkat vantas bc he's such a fucken Babe


End file.
